planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
