Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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