okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
