My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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