Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You pole danced in your parka.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
