he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
