Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
