God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
