For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
