i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
