its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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