you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
