I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
