I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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