i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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