you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
