I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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