the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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