I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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