I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
