I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
