I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
