I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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