It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
