When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
