halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
