Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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