Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am in a vortex of obligation.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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