He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize