Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
