I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
