my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
