Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
