in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
