My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
