i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
