dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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