y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize