16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
