Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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