Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize