how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
