you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
