I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
