Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

good thing vaginas are great cup holders

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(858): View more from California

It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.

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(845): View more from New York

Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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(707): View more from California

I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister

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(606): View more from Kentucky

It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"

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(818): View more from California

I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.

(818): View more from California

Turns out it's a fake number.

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(305): View more from Florida

I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out

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