he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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