Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
