I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
