my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
