today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
