He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
