How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
