after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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