I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
