I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
