did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
