why didn't you poke me back
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize