It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
