your parents love me but you hate me
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm really busy with my period
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