Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
