Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
