Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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