WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
