I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
