I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
