I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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