how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
