Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
