I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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