i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
