allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
