why didn't you poke me back
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
