i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
