I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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