i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
