did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
