After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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